The Apple and the Tree

Tonight was the School Winter Concert - it's always fab and so terrifically popular the parents of performers are allowed two tickets only.
No tickets came home with Beatrice (our singer) so I went into the school to investigate.
The choir mistress handed me a large biscuit tin. "All the consent forms are in there. Kids who brought back consent forms got tickets."
Well, in truth I couldn't remember if I'd signed a consent form or not. I have forms stuck under my nose every day - "Sign that Mummy" - and I sign.
Humbly I said: "Please may I sign a form now?"
She shook her head. "Too late. All the tickets have been allocated."
I tried not bluster. I said: "It doesn't matter if I don't have a seat. Please may I stand at the back?"
"Security have been told to turn away those who don't have a ticket."
The picture became a bit clearer. "You expect me to drop Beatrice off, then sit in the car and wait for her?"
After school I searched Beatrice's schoolbag. The consent form was there. She'd forgotten to hand it in.
I said: "Luvvie, there's no place in the school choir for the vague!"
She looked confused. She said: "I thought the choir was for singing?"

Helping

Nick has flown to England this week to visit his very frail father.
The children said: "Don't worry, Mummy, we'll help you!"
This morning they brought me a cup of tea to bed. They said: "We are making school lunches."
School lunches as made by the children consist of apples, bananas, raisins, popcorn, Babybel cheese, cherry tomatoes, sliced cucumber, baby carrots, cashew nuts, Ritz Crackers, plastic bottles of water...
Maud said: "And I have made Mars Bar sandwiches."
Quite an improvement on the soup in a thermos I took to school as a child.

Grammar School

I am a little confused by the current educational reforms in Northern Ireland. NI has always had a grammar school system and when I was a child all children sat the 11+ - the primary schools coached us to pass it. It was brutal but it was fair. Those who passed went to grammar school where academic expectation was exceedingly high -that's my school crest at the top - the inscription in Latin means Salt Flavours Everything...
Our new system follows a different ethos - and I'm quoting here from the booklet Transfer 2011 Advice for Parents:
Academic selection is educationally unsound. It does not meet the needs of a modern society. It sustains and generates inequality. It has no place in our education system.
Further in I read:
The Department has recommended that schools use their admissions criteria to make sure that they admit a fair number of children registered as entitled to Free School Meals
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this mean the NI education system is now financially selective not educationally selective?

Free Money

I received this message on my cellphone this morning from somebody called Free Lotto:
Congrats your mobile has won GBP950,000 winning No 05,11,20,22,23,08. Pls contact Claims - Patrick Owens email: patrickowens4@yahoo.com or +442030869805 ext1
That's nice - I could be doing with free money! I am, of course, assuming GBP means Great Britain Pounds... - GBP can also mean:
GBP Gastric Bypass
GBP Gain-Bandwidth Product
GBP Good Business Practice(s)
GBP Gameboy Pocket
GBP Global Best Practice(s)
GBP Gewestelijk Bestemmingsplan
GBP Group Buffer Pool
GBP Gameboy Player (Nintendo)
GBP Guanylate Binding Protein
GBP Generalized Belief Propagation
GBP Gameboy Printer (Nintendo)
GBP Gravity Based Penalty
GBP Global Buffer Pool
GBP Gun Buyback Program
GBP Gross Berth Productivity
GBP General Building Plan
GBP Global Backprojection

The Queen and I

Margaret went into the living room to telephone Bobo Criche-Hutchinson, leaving the Queen to throw the root vegetables and the Oxo cube into the saucepan. Mrs Maundy had told her that broth has to simmer on a low heat for hour - 'to draw the goodness out' - but the Queen was ravenous, she needed to eat now, at once. Something tasty and filling and sweet. She reached for the bread and jam and made herself a pile of sandwiches. She ate standing at the worktop without a plate or napkin.
She had once been reassured by a senior politician - a woman - that the reason the poor could not manage on their state benefits was because 'they hadn't the aptitude to cook good, simple, nutritious meals.'
The Queen looked at her good, simple, nutritious broth bubbling in the pan and reached for another slice of bread and jam.
Extract from The Queen and I by Sue Townsend