Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner
Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas
Enjoy

Turnips

My very elegant sister and her sophisticated husband came for lunch today. He's a super cook, and a wine connoisseur so I usually take the precaution of filling them both with Bombay Gin before serving up my best efforts. But today was an unexpected success - I made Bacon and Turnip Soup, and served it with homemade wheaten bread (OK, I confess, the bread was a packet mix). And they loved the soup! So much so they took home the recipe.
Here is the recipe:
BACON AND TURNIP SOUP
Chop and gently fry an onion in unsalted butter. Cut up a packet of bacon with scissors, stir into the onion, keep the heat low. Peel and dice a turnip and a couple of small potatoes. Add to the onion and bacon mixture. Stir. Add at least a pint of hot water with a stock cube dissolved. Simmer for about 20 minutes until the the turnip is cooked.
It's not necessary to puree the soup.